But what if I can't find my big girl panties?“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” -MLK Jr.

Normally no matter how sore I am, or how tired I feel, these days it’s usually not too difficult for me to motivate myself to go to BJJ class, but that wasn’t the case yesterday. You would think that since I had some rare successes during the advanced class on Monday (including winning a couple of rounds of king of the mat, one of them with a submission!), I would’ve been even more motivated to train, but I was feeling more beat up than usual, and wasn’t looking forward to class. However, I knew I would regret it if I didn’t go, so I sucked it up and trained anyway, and of course it was awesome!

I remember back in the early days of my training, there were times when I was so nervous about going to class that I drove to the dojo and sat outside in my car, but I was too scared to go inside, so I just ended up driving back home. It used to take every bit of my willpower to get myself on the mat, and sometimes I would cry before, during, and/or after class, so if I could survive that, I don’t think there’s much I can’t overcome.

I may not have a lot of natural athleticism, talent, strength, youth, or size, but one thing I do have is heart, which has kept me training Jiu-Jitsu longer than a lot of other people who have had those kind of advantages on me. I keep going to class, even when I don’t want to, and I keep trying, even when I think about giving up. There are days when I’m so excited for training that I feel like I could run to Lincoln BJJ, and other times I feel like I can barely walk, but even if I have to crawl on my hands and knees, as long as I get there, it’s all good!

I think the best part about dragging my sorry ass to class yesterday is that at the very end, Conan let me take his place in line for king of the mat, so I got a chance to try to berimbolo Mike, and I don’t even care that I wasn’t able to finish it, because it was hella fun anyway. Mike promised to help me work on it if I go to open mat on Saturday, so I shouldn’t have any problem being motivated for that!

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